Joys of Adoption & Special Needs
Education System
Giving birth or adopting special needs children are not without challenges. As it is, even having 'normal' children can be a challenge. Special needs kids though come with a lot of needs. First of all, as a parent, you are overwhelmed by any diagnosis. For me, Braxton was a mixed bag. He first had 4 brain bruises by age 4 months from being shaken. He had frontal and temporal left side damage. This type of damage alone can cause a lot of autistic like symptoms. When he finally also had a diagnosis of autism, it was like a knife being thrown through me. It sent me reeling and caused much pain. I was so angry at the bio parents. I also wondered if I could have prevented it. It felt like a death sentence and I kept thinking the doctor was wrong. We wondered if he would have had autism without being shaken. I searched for help for my son and it seemed hopeless. I went to autism societies and it seemed all about the dollar and not help. I have to say that the Birth - Three program through Shelton School District was very good. Braxton entered that program at 6 months of age. he was also in with the Elks Therapy Program and a therapist came to the house.
When he was about 4 years old, I was looking at the internet trying to get him some more help as Elks Therapy program was ending their part. help. My mind was still in denial about Autism. I think the school district thought his problems were just due to autism. It seemed to me I was ignored when I would say some of his symptoms were left side brain damage. I finally came to a website at www.HANDLE.org . I started reading about left side brain damage and broke into tears . "My God! They were writing about Braxton. They are located in Seattle. I searched for a HANDLE therapist closer to us and found Marianne Wagner in Olympia. To this day, she still works with Braxton and there have been so many good results. She really cares about the kids.
When Braxton was 5, he entered into the Special Needs classroom at Mt. View. I had problems almost from day one feeling his needs were not being met. He was non verbal at the time. They kept him in the same class with new grade K kids every year. I wanted him moved to the other class with age peers. It was always refused. We also experienced problems with the para's abusing him. My husband witnessed our son refusing a game piece until the para finally grabbed him behind the neck and pulling his head to the floor holding it there. All this time, my husband who now entered the class went un-noticed. He finally told Braxton to get his coat and he came home and said "Honey, they have been lieing to us about not touching Braxton." I did file a report and even after 6 months of meetings, they finally wore me down and it was never resolved. The para lied of course and was believed.
Then another year, my daughter and a friend were at McDonalds and Braxton's class was there on an outing. They witnessed a para twisting his arm. Once again, it was more lies from the paras.
Then, in 2008, Braxton had a different teacher as his other teacher had retired. She was an excellent teacher. She stood up for the kids in the class and tried to tell the para's to be advised about Braxton's behavior plan. He had a really good behavior plan as he was doing a lot of hitting of younger kids. Braxton's therapist did a class observation and was told by a para working with him that when he does not comply, they threaten him. Was I ever steamed. I once again brought this to the districts attention that the behavior plan was not being followed. It seemed that these same paras who had been working with Braxton had their own agenda. By the end of the year, this fine teacher's contract was not being renewed. I will always believe that these paras had something to do with it.
At the end of the school year in 2009, I once again asked that Braxton be put into age approriate peers class. We were told there were budget problems and we needed to wait. We said ok and a few days later, I got a letter informing us that Braxton's class was being moved to a bilingual school and he was still going to be in the same class with yet more grade K coming in!
Before school started back up in 2009, I started requesting we finish IEP about Placement. By this time Braxton could almost repeat most words and was at times forming sentences. He has a hard time knowing how to use his words. I was told by the director we could have our meeting and finally, on August 14, 2009, was the last I heard about it. Time to me was wasting as school was going to start soon and as a mom, I was determined I knew more about him then the school. I started trying to figure out how I was going to fight for my son and finally on August 25, 2009, I broke into deep wracking sobs. I looked at the complaint forms and had talked to an Ombudsman. It was all so haunting to me, I fell into hopelessness and despair. I just did what I like to do and started to write about it. My writing turned into poetry. Toward the end I heard my kids in the other room singing with their favorite Sunday School cd. When I heard my little boy sing 'Jesus Loves Me', it did something to my spirit and my writing took a turn.
On august 28th, I took the plunge and filed a Citizen's Complaint, expecting to lose my fight. I had the mind set that even if I lose, I will still win by having more knowledge and gain more experience. I faxed it off at 6:00 AM. By 9:30 AM, I got a call from the director saying they had crunched the numbers and found a place for Braxton in the class I asked for.
My son is doing wonderful in this class and his teacher is great. I really like the para's and have a sense of well being for my son.
Our school district has recently purchased the Star Program and sent some staff for training. I think this is a great move. Also, they are implementing the Picture Exchange Communication system and have gone to lengths as to train staff. I will get teacher training as well with this. I am feeling confident that these steps were greatly needed. The teachers and staff work with me as well. These things are wonderful moves from the special education department and I so much appreciate our director. I would love to see great reports of how our school district works with the special needs children, especially for implementation of programs that will help out those on the spectrum. These two programs will help out any special needs child no matter what the disability.
Study up and learn about your school district and learn special education law. Too many times a district does not give the services they have to. It is up to you to be informed. If your child has an IEP and a qualifying disability, find out about the services you can get. My advice for parents is to keep records of everything. Contacts to and from school and everything. Keep notes! Get copies of your child's records and check to see what is there or what is missing. Do not be afraid to get help from an advocate and fight for what you think is right. YOU are the expert on your child. Be polite and try to work with your district. You want to have a real team and if the team does not listen to each other, the child ends up losing. It is difficult to learn not to get caught up in emotions when it comes to your own child.. When I first started out, I was so emotional and got to be a regular pit bull with lipstick. An advocate from town kept telling me "Sarah, you have got to have finesse." I made mistakes and ended up apologizing to school people for it as this was a period of growth. They appreciated it. I still make mistakes. Don't be afraid to admit a mistake or error in judgement of your child's rights. I think the staff will appreciate you more and you want a good relationship with school district. Your child is the one at risk and you want a winning team. My approach today, that I stand on is this: I am still the pit bull with lipstick , but I now have a smile to go with it... When the district gives, I am willing to give. If I see improvements for my son, I am ok. But, in the end I am the mom and the expert on my child and I will stand firm for what I see is right.
When he was about 4 years old, I was looking at the internet trying to get him some more help as Elks Therapy program was ending their part. help. My mind was still in denial about Autism. I think the school district thought his problems were just due to autism. It seemed to me I was ignored when I would say some of his symptoms were left side brain damage. I finally came to a website at www.HANDLE.org . I started reading about left side brain damage and broke into tears . "My God! They were writing about Braxton. They are located in Seattle. I searched for a HANDLE therapist closer to us and found Marianne Wagner in Olympia. To this day, she still works with Braxton and there have been so many good results. She really cares about the kids.
When Braxton was 5, he entered into the Special Needs classroom at Mt. View. I had problems almost from day one feeling his needs were not being met. He was non verbal at the time. They kept him in the same class with new grade K kids every year. I wanted him moved to the other class with age peers. It was always refused. We also experienced problems with the para's abusing him. My husband witnessed our son refusing a game piece until the para finally grabbed him behind the neck and pulling his head to the floor holding it there. All this time, my husband who now entered the class went un-noticed. He finally told Braxton to get his coat and he came home and said "Honey, they have been lieing to us about not touching Braxton." I did file a report and even after 6 months of meetings, they finally wore me down and it was never resolved. The para lied of course and was believed.
Then another year, my daughter and a friend were at McDonalds and Braxton's class was there on an outing. They witnessed a para twisting his arm. Once again, it was more lies from the paras.
Then, in 2008, Braxton had a different teacher as his other teacher had retired. She was an excellent teacher. She stood up for the kids in the class and tried to tell the para's to be advised about Braxton's behavior plan. He had a really good behavior plan as he was doing a lot of hitting of younger kids. Braxton's therapist did a class observation and was told by a para working with him that when he does not comply, they threaten him. Was I ever steamed. I once again brought this to the districts attention that the behavior plan was not being followed. It seemed that these same paras who had been working with Braxton had their own agenda. By the end of the year, this fine teacher's contract was not being renewed. I will always believe that these paras had something to do with it.
At the end of the school year in 2009, I once again asked that Braxton be put into age approriate peers class. We were told there were budget problems and we needed to wait. We said ok and a few days later, I got a letter informing us that Braxton's class was being moved to a bilingual school and he was still going to be in the same class with yet more grade K coming in!
Before school started back up in 2009, I started requesting we finish IEP about Placement. By this time Braxton could almost repeat most words and was at times forming sentences. He has a hard time knowing how to use his words. I was told by the director we could have our meeting and finally, on August 14, 2009, was the last I heard about it. Time to me was wasting as school was going to start soon and as a mom, I was determined I knew more about him then the school. I started trying to figure out how I was going to fight for my son and finally on August 25, 2009, I broke into deep wracking sobs. I looked at the complaint forms and had talked to an Ombudsman. It was all so haunting to me, I fell into hopelessness and despair. I just did what I like to do and started to write about it. My writing turned into poetry. Toward the end I heard my kids in the other room singing with their favorite Sunday School cd. When I heard my little boy sing 'Jesus Loves Me', it did something to my spirit and my writing took a turn.
On august 28th, I took the plunge and filed a Citizen's Complaint, expecting to lose my fight. I had the mind set that even if I lose, I will still win by having more knowledge and gain more experience. I faxed it off at 6:00 AM. By 9:30 AM, I got a call from the director saying they had crunched the numbers and found a place for Braxton in the class I asked for.
My son is doing wonderful in this class and his teacher is great. I really like the para's and have a sense of well being for my son.
Our school district has recently purchased the Star Program and sent some staff for training. I think this is a great move. Also, they are implementing the Picture Exchange Communication system and have gone to lengths as to train staff. I will get teacher training as well with this. I am feeling confident that these steps were greatly needed. The teachers and staff work with me as well. These things are wonderful moves from the special education department and I so much appreciate our director. I would love to see great reports of how our school district works with the special needs children, especially for implementation of programs that will help out those on the spectrum. These two programs will help out any special needs child no matter what the disability.
Study up and learn about your school district and learn special education law. Too many times a district does not give the services they have to. It is up to you to be informed. If your child has an IEP and a qualifying disability, find out about the services you can get. My advice for parents is to keep records of everything. Contacts to and from school and everything. Keep notes! Get copies of your child's records and check to see what is there or what is missing. Do not be afraid to get help from an advocate and fight for what you think is right. YOU are the expert on your child. Be polite and try to work with your district. You want to have a real team and if the team does not listen to each other, the child ends up losing. It is difficult to learn not to get caught up in emotions when it comes to your own child.. When I first started out, I was so emotional and got to be a regular pit bull with lipstick. An advocate from town kept telling me "Sarah, you have got to have finesse." I made mistakes and ended up apologizing to school people for it as this was a period of growth. They appreciated it. I still make mistakes. Don't be afraid to admit a mistake or error in judgement of your child's rights. I think the staff will appreciate you more and you want a good relationship with school district. Your child is the one at risk and you want a winning team. My approach today, that I stand on is this: I am still the pit bull with lipstick , but I now have a smile to go with it... When the district gives, I am willing to give. If I see improvements for my son, I am ok. But, in the end I am the mom and the expert on my child and I will stand firm for what I see is right.
My Fight For My Child by; Sarah McQuilkin 8/25/2009
In despair I hang my head…
The tears flow fast as I repeat the words "Special Ed".
My eyes sting as my makeup runs down my cheek…
I feel so discouraged and God, I am so weak.
People pushing at me about my kid...
I wish I could shut them all up with a lid.
What is the school all about…?
Thoughts of it make me want to scream and shout.
They tell me they know what they think is best…
Why does my child come home all stressed?
Why does my child not know how to speak? ...
Oh I guess they were busy playing Hide & Seek.
No need for words I hear the Para’s say…
After all if he speaks, We could end up without a job some day.
You see we like to have power over these kids in our care…
If they don't comply, they are easier for us to scare.
We can manipulate them, abuse them, and bend them to our will…
You see it feels good to use these types of skills.
It's our job to make them normal they say…
And despite the parents, we will do it in our way.
As I sit and the tears wrack my body with pain...
My composure I fight to regain.
My mind cries out "oh no not my child!"…
You cannot have him or make him wild.
Somewhere in the distance, I see a great light…
I simply cannot give up my fight.
I will pick myself up and make myself strong...
I will go to the school and ring their gong.
I will tell them they are not going to be the only ones to have a say…
I am his mother and I know a better way.
Listen to me as you educate my child…
Put down our weapons and learn to be mild.
Let's be partners and hear what each other has to say...
Without cooperation, the child will pay.
Don't think you got me eating out of your hand…
When you start pushing at me, I'll be like a vocal band.
You see for my child, I'll put up a good fight...
I'll have my say and say what I see as right.
I'll do what I can for my child's special education...
Cause you see..I'm a mom & to my child, I have dedication.
I'll go on and learn all I can...
Because kids like mine, I'm a big fan.
When I stand up for mine, I stand for them...
These kids I will not let you condemn.
So, this is the end of my rhyme, my friend...
I want you to know each child is a gem.
The tears flow fast as I repeat the words "Special Ed".
My eyes sting as my makeup runs down my cheek…
I feel so discouraged and God, I am so weak.
People pushing at me about my kid...
I wish I could shut them all up with a lid.
What is the school all about…?
Thoughts of it make me want to scream and shout.
They tell me they know what they think is best…
Why does my child come home all stressed?
Why does my child not know how to speak? ...
Oh I guess they were busy playing Hide & Seek.
No need for words I hear the Para’s say…
After all if he speaks, We could end up without a job some day.
You see we like to have power over these kids in our care…
If they don't comply, they are easier for us to scare.
We can manipulate them, abuse them, and bend them to our will…
You see it feels good to use these types of skills.
It's our job to make them normal they say…
And despite the parents, we will do it in our way.
As I sit and the tears wrack my body with pain...
My composure I fight to regain.
My mind cries out "oh no not my child!"…
You cannot have him or make him wild.
Somewhere in the distance, I see a great light…
I simply cannot give up my fight.
I will pick myself up and make myself strong...
I will go to the school and ring their gong.
I will tell them they are not going to be the only ones to have a say…
I am his mother and I know a better way.
Listen to me as you educate my child…
Put down our weapons and learn to be mild.
Let's be partners and hear what each other has to say...
Without cooperation, the child will pay.
Don't think you got me eating out of your hand…
When you start pushing at me, I'll be like a vocal band.
You see for my child, I'll put up a good fight...
I'll have my say and say what I see as right.
I'll do what I can for my child's special education...
Cause you see..I'm a mom & to my child, I have dedication.
I'll go on and learn all I can...
Because kids like mine, I'm a big fan.
When I stand up for mine, I stand for them...
These kids I will not let you condemn.
So, this is the end of my rhyme, my friend...
I want you to know each child is a gem.
